Funky Cat Studio

Current Mood: bitchy

I’ve been having a new flavor of depression. It started quite awhile ago (more than a few months) and its been getting progressively worse. I don’t know how to explain it completely. But it couples quite nicely with a heaping pile of Bitterness, which is also getting worse.

When it first started up, I had a hard time feeling much of anything. That has fluctuated from nothing to too much… but not much in between. Then great amounts of memory loss. Toss in some just “don’t care” kind of feelings with having to force myself to shower and take care of myself, and you’ve almost got yourself a zombie.

Now its down to not wanting to sleep and not wanting to wake up. I’ve always had problems falling asleep, and then getting out of bed, but this is not -wanting- or -caring- either way and sometimes getting frustrated at not being able to choose, because neither one matters.

And I find myself just feeling potentially rude to certain people that are getting harder and harder to like/be around. That’s not a good thing because I don’t know if that’s me or this Weird New Flavor talking.

And even when things are getting better (finding an AWESOME dentist & getting Funky Cat Studio on the road), its not helping!

There’s a weird, shimmery happy bouncy crust on the outside, but the filling is just… all of this crap. The crust is not a mask, its just PART of the whole package.

Current Mood: evil_winking & cheers & numb

Yeah, I’ve been pretty dumpy lately. Might be feeling better today, I don’t know. Stupid Aunt Flow is visiting, so I’ll prolly just sit on my ass as much as possible. Oh wait, I always sit on my ass as much as possible :-p

I’ve decided to open a webstore for Funky Cat. Its going to be awhile before I can get it running, because I need a printer and a (good enough) camera. But I can at least start adding my paper greeting cards as am able to scan them in.

Doing the webstore and eBay from home will be so much cooler, better and smarter than how I’m doing it now. I was making decent cash from eBay before. Not a lot, but enough that I could set a bit aside and spend the rest on those evil evil auctions :)

And I’m -so- going to start making bath and body stuff, damnit! I have some stuff to start with and play with, but I’ll be adding it to my stuff eventually.

Yeah, so, off I go I suppose… I gotta re-rip ALL my damn CDs… AGAIN.

I have been feeling nothing but Da Blahs since Sunday evening.

Blaaaaaah.

See?

Editing Blood Rose has been extra sloooow.

Blaaaah.

Then I gotta get up early tomorrow morning and that’ll prolly set me back again into even more blaaaahs.

Ah well. It’ll blah away.

Woot.

I’ve been craftsipated. Everything I start just doesn’t work out. This has been going on for a looong time and getting worse.

And editing Blood Rose has been slooow.

I feel as if I have fallen onto fresh, sharp asphalt. I am beyond depressed. I have been pondering over my self worth, for lack of a better term. How useless am I? How valuable am I?

I am very hard to employ. Everybody wants to see experience and/or an Oregon State Drivers License. I have neither. I can’t get experience because that requires experience. I can’t drive because I am mortally afraid of it.

I have absolutely no money of my own. I can’t buy what I need or want. I can’t go out on my own anywhere. I have to depend on everyone around me for everything.

What is the point of me?